3 Top Things NOT to Say to a Surrogate
Surrogacy is a topic that draws most people in one direction or another as it is often shrouded in controversy and secrecy both publically and privately. With a topic such as this, people will often say nothing to someone when they are confronted with a situation they do not understand, such as surrogate motherhood.
On the other hand, people are also known to stick their foot in their mouths because they are trying to make light of a situation they do not understand or maybe even approve of. But, who are we to impose our doubts, concerns, or views on others, especially to a woman who has chosen to become a surrogate for someone who cannot carry their own child.
So, what is the best way for us (or others) to make certain that we do not offend someone we care about or have respect for? Be sensitive with your words – your friends and family will thank you for it.
1. How could you just give your baby away to someone else?
No, she is not giving her baby away to someone else – she is carrying someone else’s child who cannot carry their own child. A surrogate is someone who cares for someone’s child during the 9 month long gestation – she is not giving away her own baby. She is providing a gift to a family that would never be without her.
2. So, you are just doing this for the money?
Money is absolutely not and should not be a major motivating factor in anyone’s decision regarding becoming a surrogate. Women who become surrogates report across the board that they became a surrogate mother in order to help someone else build a family that otherwise could not. Most surrogates feel as if they are “paying it forward” and spreading good karma for themselves and their families. Money is only secondary and often helps these women contribute to their family’s financial well-being, put a down payment on a house, etc. One should never just assume that a woman’s decision to become a surrogate is motivated merely by money – surrogacy is so much more to so many people.
3. What are you going to tell your kids? Won’t they be embarrassed at school?
Children are much more understanding than we often realize. In fact, many surrogates report that their children are proud of what their mother is doing to help another family – a truly selfless act. Most importantly, surrogates who educate their children on the process make their child’s understanding and their ability to respond to other kid’s comments much easier, including teaching their children that what their mother is doing is changing another person’s life in a way that they could not do for themselves.
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Visit our Surrogate Experience page to see what surrogacy at Conceptual Options is like.